Intermission

I've reached the midway point in my program here in India. It doesn't really feel like I've learned all that much, but I suppose I actually have. It's a slow and mysterious process, language acquisition.

Since they take pity on our poor, language-scrambled brains they give us some time off from classes in the middle of the term. I'm taking advantage of the break with another traveling adventure, so tomorrow I will drop out of contact for a few days. I'm headed to Rishikesh, the "Yoga Capital of the World;" it's the town where The Beatles learned to be spiritual. If I don't happen to give up everything and move into an ashram to meditate for the rest of my life, my plan is to return to Jaipur on Sunday with lots of enlightened wisdom to share.

The day for my (scheduled) return to Jaipur happens to also be the day that my parents will be leaving to come to India(!). I'm so happy that they're making the journey. I wrote them the following letter of tips about India which I am sharing below. It's a lot to read, but it will compensate for me being off-the-radar for five days. Phir milenge, everyone!

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Dear Parents,

So you’re finally coming to India. Good. It will be good for you. Now I know you’re both experienced travelers, but there are some things everyone should know before coming to the sub-continent. I don’t want you to look like dumb tourists now, do I? It would be impossible to sum up a culture as diverse and varied as this one in any brief amount of time, but I have compiled for you a very small list of some essential facts.

Before I scare you with the hazards of Indian travel, let me first tell you a few of my very favorite things about this country for you to look forward to:

•There is no better food anywhere in the world than in India…and it’s mango season!
•Hindus consider it very auspicious to decorate, adorn, and embellish. As a result, every temple, every truck, every road-side shrine, every man, woman, and child is adorned in colors, sequins, mirrors, and jewels. Prepare for beautiful sensory overload.
•Music is omnipresent in India.
•The 47 Rupees to 1 Dollar exchange rate is generally very enjoyable.
•Ask and you shall receive. Whatever it is that you want/need/have a curiosity about, just start asking. Someone knows someone who knows someone who has a family member who can cut you a deal by tomorrow afternoon.
•Most Indians I know are friendly, fun-loving, wonderful people who are very happy to host you in their country.


Your survival in India depends on your knowledge of a few key things:

•Don’t Panic. It will all work out. You must let go of your ideas of timeliness and organization.
•Queuing up for things, standing in line and waiting your turn—these are social constructs of the Western world that don’t exist in India. Push your way to the front or you’ll never be served.
•Be patient with electricity—it goes out regularly.
•India is a left-side drive country. This may not seem that important since you won’t be driving, but any time you cross the road you must remember to look to your right or else you’ll get run over by a bus. Also, as India is often crowded, you will often find yourself stepping to the side to get out of the way of passers-by. In this situation your natural, American reaction will be to step to the right, but their natural, Indian reaction will be to step to their left. You’ll be running into people all the time.
•Your left hand is your unclean hand. Don’t exchange money, eat, or touch anyone with your left hand.
•Similarly, the bottoms of your feet/shoes are unclean and it is a major offense to direct your feet/shoes at anyone. You can’t wear shoes into temples or places of worship, but socks are sometimes ok; wearing socks will protect your feet from burning hot marble floors on sunny days.
• Squat toilets: face away from the hole.


Food Survival (for more food tips see my dining guide from last year's blog):

• Most meals will be served with a plate of delicious-looking fresh vegetables…sliced cucumbers, carrots, onions, etc. These uncooked vegetables are the likeliest of any food you will be given to cause upset stomach. They are either unwashed, washed with dirty water, or they’ve been sitting out in the heat for longer than safe. If you want to play it safe, only eat cooked vegetables.
• Meals are typically served with a side of yogurt (dahi). If anything you are eating is too spicy, either take a bite of yogurt, or mix the yogurt into the spicy dish.
• Unless you’re eating in a fancy restaurant your only utensil will be a spoon (chummuch) if you get utensils at all.
• Remember: water comes from bottles; upset stomach comes from the tap. (Don’t worry, bottled water usually only costs Rs. 20 (40 cents))
• Coca-Cola is the fastest-working and most universally available cure for upset stomach, nausea, diarrhea, etc.
• Everything is delicious, so be adventurous in your dining choices.
India is very different from anywhere you’ve ever been. Bear this in mind and try not to be too alarmed by the following:

• Your personal space will feel invaded pretty regularly.
• Not a day will go by in India when you won’t see a man peeing on the side of the road.
• Swastikas are everywhere—readjust your reaction to seeing them. The swastika was a sacred Hindu symbol long before the Nazis stole it.
• It’s going to feel like everyone is staring at you…and they probably are.
• Feral dogs, cows, and monkeys will cross your path on a regular basis.
• The substance of choice among Indian men is a mild stimulant called “betel nut.” It is chewed like chewing tobacco giving the users red teeth and lips. It is the cause behind the red spit-stains spotting every sidewalk in India.
• It’s perfectly okay in Indian culture to talk about money. Indians may want to ask you very specific questions about your exact income, how much you pay for things in America, etc.
• Indians typically don’t understand sarcasm or irony as humor. Careful, Dad.
• Men dress like it’s the 1970’s…mustache required.
• Men hold hands walking around in public. It’s just platonic.
• Traffic laws are regarded as suggestions. Drivers honk at each other as much as possible. It looks like dangerous chaos on the road, but I’ve come to realize that most Indians are expert drivers who can stop on a dime and avoid collisions by a fraction of an inch. Try not to be too afraid; you’re in good hands.


Certain things that are typical to American life are extremely rare to come across in India, a few of these things are:

• Coffee
• Dental Floss
• Deodorant (don't forget to bring yours!)
• Toilet Paper (but the nice hotels you are staying in will have it)
• Certain feminine products
• Unmarried people over the age of 30
• Beef
• Fix-price shopping (Get your haggling skills ready)
• Women wearing shorts or sleeveless shirts


Essential Hindi words to learn:

• Namaste (or sometimes Namaskar) meaning Hello/Goodbye/Blessings
• Theek Hai (pronounced like Teak Hey) meaning Fine/Good/OK typically accompanied by a “head bobble.”
• Accha meaning Good
• Haa (pronounced nasally) meaning Yes
• Nahi (pronounced nasally) meaning No
• Ji a respectful term that you can call someone as a pronoun like “Sir,” or that you can tack onto someone’s name like “Mr.” People will call you Phyllis-Ji and Geoffrey-Ji. Yes sir = Ji Haa.
• Dhanyavad (DAAN-ya-vaad) or Shukriya (shoo-kree-ya) both mean Thank You.
• Pani ki botol (PAA-ni key BO-tol) Bottled Water
• Most importantly: Meri beti, Katie bahut sundar aur medhavi hai. Meaning “My daughter, Katie is very beautiful and intelligent.”

That is a fraction of the things that you need to know. The rest, I’ll let you discover on your own. Bon Voyage! If you have a question or need help getting yourselves out of (or into) an awkward situation my Indian phone number is +91 756 822 1765